Today I panicked in doubt. So far gone in my thoughts, that I didn’t know how to get out… doubt welcomed fear into the humble abode of my minds home. Panic gave birth to thoughts…I don’t want to be that … Continue reading →
Sad because nobody hears you, nobody feels what you feel inside. The pain, the pleasures but everybody seems to tell you what you should or need to do. Nobody sees your vision, they lack the creativity that you have when … Continue reading →
~By Nicole Thomas ~ For it is in this moment that we stand and we speak…. weakness buckles him at the centre of his knees… his mind so divine, third eye I can see… This man so godly that stands … Continue reading →
~By Nicole Thomas ~
I don’t want to use the term ‘suffering’, so I will replace it with experiencing Anxiety.
I question myself: Who Am I ?
What is this emotion trying to teach me?
I want to become one with these feelings of anxiety
I want to not understand but Innerstand the bigger lesson!
Why am I not getting it?
When will I get what I am being taught?
Will I ever get it?
Embarrassed to tell people I go through this!
Embarrassed- so I cover my face!
So embarrassed that I act out of place.
Confidence where have you gone?
Heart beating fast, what am I doing wrong.
Don’t want to talk about it coz you won’t get it.
Don’t know what to say, coz I don’t get it!
Why is this so hard to innerstand.
Trapped in my mind!
I don’t want to be trapped anymore.
Over processing, my software has become so self absorbed.
And don’t tell me to stop, not that I don’t want to but it’s easy to say.
Do you care?
Why am I feeling this way?
Am I going mad!
Don’t want to breathe deep coz people will stare at me.
Thoughts come out at Night! Freaky!
Afraid that you won’t love me once you find out this truth.
Afraid that you will leave me.
But we are in this together *higher self*
Self esteem won’t you visit me?
Fear is really trying to get the best of me.
Don’t judge what you don’t understand.
I look completely fine
But panic inside
I am human
I am just a sweetheart
That’s all I want compassion
Don’t feel sorry for me
I won’t feel sorry for me
Becsuse sorry doesn’t heal
To innerstand and become free
Is all I want to feel
Confidence why did you leave me
When did you leave me.
Will you ever come back
I’m not mad
I’m just human
Judge if you like
I really don’t care
I do care about the way I feel though
Laying in my bed, I feel low and unbothered to do much. Unbothered to do the things I know I could and probably should be doing. Laying in the dark with nothing but a candle lit. I watch it flicker. Emotionless, but I would of never wished to of used my Emotions Less, I probably should of as I may have not been feeling the way I am now. Confused, hurt, sad, belittled, unappreciated, are some of the feelings I feel. Yet in this moment I feel numb. Numb to it all. (But this one thing~hope resides in a homely place). I could ask questions, why did you do this??why didn’t you do enough of that? But I much rather allow myself to go through these emotions and let this energy flow. I’d much rather allow myself that so I can heal. Peeling the layers of, peeling it back like Orange Peel. Pain filled yet emotionless. Numb to the fact that I feel like I should of apologised more for the wrong I done, like not changing as fast as you wanted me to in the beggining of the relationship- although atleast I can say I changed for you. Or maybe not for you but for me, and the king that I am getting ready to meet. I should of tried more! Should I keep on trying? I guess I can ask myself that over and over again knowing that this isn’t right for me. I should of loved you more. Although I loved you with all of my heart and still that felt like it wasn’t enough. I should of. I apologise!
But however the story goes you and I both know I tried more than you. Fought more than you. Cried more times than you and not together. Was alone in a relationship when we should of been together.
Whatever this is, I’m allowing my truths to flow. Tapping into my lower self, as all the emotions buried there, need to be addressed for the better. As I choose on evolving come rain or stormy weather.
We Broke up. Now that’s clear to me.
We broke up now it’s time for me to heal, and be free loving and being true to me.
It was extremely Difficult for me to Curve my anger today, with some stupid, ignorant b*tch shouting up in my face. You see in my side of Town if anyone disrespects you, by shouting in your face they get knocked the F*ck Down.
So today was a really a test for me.
An extremely hard one at that, but it felt more fulfilling to know I stood cool and didn’t lose All control.
At 23 years old I stood tall, not raising my voice to a woman evidently older than me, shouting and screaming and straight disrespecting. But not disrespecting Me, the way she acted today she paid disrespect to herself. Worst, she acted like a complete fool with her young daughter standing beside her crying, frightened to see her mum act in such way.
The old me would of punched the bitch, no time for talking I would of got it cracking real quick.
But to my surprise my higher self led the way. I had nothing to prove, I didn’t care who was around, I didn’t care about saving face. I stood calmly talking, looking this grown woman in the face as she through her hands all over the place.
I did not care about being disrespected, because the truth is from that display is she’s got some serious issue inside eating her away..
I have no time for arguments anymore, but had this poor soul lose control and hit me, ohhh I definitely would of defended myself and done her in the worst way- Don’t take my calmness and vibrant aura for a joke.
In the Here and the Now, I lool back and think she was threatened by my calmness, because believe me I was all too calm, with someone acting like that, I didn’t flinch atall but stood tall knowing she’s filled with too much distruction and pain that she has to deal with each and every day.
I learned but so much from Today. And can most definitely say, I made myself proud, and I like the individual that I am Today.
~By Nicole Thomas ~ 🔴🔵Must Read~ crucial info for My Lovelies ♡ My Indigos 🔵🔴 Using an electronic gadget for just two hours before bed can cause sleep problems, researchers have discovered. The new study from the Lighting Research Center … Continue reading →
~By Nicole Thomas ~ Laying in my bed at 11.47 pm, by the time I post this time would have passed. Laying here I realise my mind has become less chaotic and fast paced in comparison to how I’m using … Continue reading →
~By Nicole Thomas ~ Laying in my bed at 11.47 pm, by the time I post this time would have passed. Laying here I realise my mind has become less chaotic and fast paced in comparison to how I’m used … Continue reading →
~By Nicole Thomas ~ Short Poetry.. I just want to be no makeup no weave, natural hair green tea. I just want to be care free and not give a dame what he, she or anybody says or thinks about … Continue reading →
~By Nicole Thomas~ The Truth between you and IyI.. is that we are different colours we have different minds.. The truth between you and I is that we are both loving, our minds are infinite. No Limit. Beyond the Sky. … Continue reading →
Originally posted on SpokenTruthsPoetry: Sip From My Soul (The Short Poem) Here take a sip of this, life and get lost in the dark abyss experience some joyful pleasures that life may soon rebuttal with soon after it, embrace the…